As many of you know, my Aunt passed away in February 2008. What most of you don't' know is the amazing lesson(s) she taught me and anyone else who came into contact with her during her final days.
For the people who don't know what happened, my Aunt was diagnosed with Stage 4 Pancreatic Cancer on October 31st 2007, and she passed away on February 5Th 2008.
Should you have had the awesome opportunity to sit & talk with her during the last 3 months of her life, I guarantee you would've been blown away, and your outlook on life forever changed. I know this, because she changed me...
She said "I'm an ordinary woman, with extraordinary friends" and "I have finally become the person I've always wanted to be." I can only hope and pray I have those two exact feelings when my life is almost over.
The amazing gift this woman has taught me is strength, courage, and faith.
Strength... Her strength to accept and deal with her illness and her refusal to participate in experimental treatments was mind boggling. But her reasoning behind it made much sense.... "I want quality of life, not quantity" Just to look at this woman you cannot help but think; "wow."
Courage... Her courage to face her illness 110% and to plan her wake and funeral to the very last detail (flowers, music, prayer cards, etc.) The minute she found out she was terminally ill she was never scared for herself; she was scared for her family and friends. She knew her fate and she immediately accepted it and was never, ever angry. Can you imagine, not being angry with anyone especially God,w ho she had the utmost faith in? (I'll be getting to that momentarily.) She made sure she had closure with every single person she held dear, and made them feel somewhat at east with the situation. I was lucky enough to say goodbye to her 3 days before she passed, and I felt her promised "soft breeze" across my face on my wedding day!
Faith... Her faith in God was so strong. To tell you the honest truth I never knew she was such a spiritual person, (neither did a lot of people) She said when she first found our about her illness she wasn't afraid because "I felt God wrap his arms around me and then, I knew I was going to be O.K." God? Before she was sick, I could even fathom faith, let alone putting all my trust in something or someone I couldn't' see. But, watching her comfort and her almost excitement at dying just so she could be with God was amazing. I was lucky enough to participate in a group session on a random Saturday with my Aunt and the women (including my Mom) who were closest to her in her life.. She basically went on to say "I see God in all of you, I see him in nature, and I see him everywhere." "I'm not afraid because I know where I'm going, and where I'll be." Now here's me the skeptic; mentally rolling my eyes and thinking "yeah, OK" but then a funny thing happened, I took the following Tuesday off of work because that session was so intense and so emotionally draining that I had to take a mental health day. I was standing outside just getting some fresh air, and it started to snow, and I mean really snow, which came out of no where by the way. I stood outside and watched the snow fall for a good 20 minutes. It fell in different shapes and sizes, and came down in all different directions. Then it finally hit me, now I'm not saying I had a divine intervention or epiphany if you will, but I think I got it. How can you not see God in nature? When the sun comes through the clouds and you see beams of sunlight shining through how can you not help but think of God? I don't think I'll become a holy roller, but because of her I have a solid understanding of faith, and the idea of God.
The impact my Aunt's death has had on me in monumental. I am forever changed and grateful for the lessons she had taught me.. Albeit, I think we all learned it the hard way, but lessons have been learned nonetheless.
I now walk with the mind set that life is way too short for petty bullshit and it's really not worth your time to become all consumed with it on a day to day level. At the end of your life what do you want to remember? Do you want drama or fulfillment of life that you can be proud of? Who cares what you look like, your family and true friends don't. It's never too late to start over, start something new, change jobs, move to a new state, or to have a better quality of life. If it will ultimately make you happy and feeling fulfilled then GO FOR IT! You have nothing to lose!
If I live to have an ounce of her strength & courage I will have become the woman I've always wanted to be.
I will miss this woman forever, but the indelible mark she has left will be everlasting.
This is what you look like inside of my tummy this week! I feel you A LOT more and it's the best feeling! I think you're finally hanging out vertically instead of your comfy horizontal position!
Wow, well where to start? Thanksgiving morning I found out I was going to be a mama! Our beautiful baby boy Jack will be arriving sometime in late July/Early August! This little boy is loved more than he will ever know, and he's not even here yet! I can't even imagine what it will be like when he does arrive. My Job is absolutely horrible, the pits, abusive, and going down the crapper. Our company is basically bleeding a slow death until the end of the summer. I just pray I make it to the end of my pregnancy so I can claim disability or better yet Unemployment, while I get my grounding as a new mom and possibly go back to school For What, I don't know. But anything, anything at all is better than where I am now. The only thing that is keeping me going is the arrival of my sweet baby boy. I just wanna love on him! 
